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Latest Jokes in English

Son - Dad My Stomach Is Paining.
Father - that's Because your stomach is empty.
Son - Oh! Now I understand why you always have headache ๐Ÿ˜‚๏ปฟ ๐Ÿ˜œ
I'm selling my talking parrot.
Because yesterday, the b*stard tried to sell me. ๐Ÿ˜‚๏ปฟ ๐Ÿ˜œ
David was writing something very slowly.
Jake asked - Why r u writing so slowly?
David - I'm writing 2 my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast... ๐Ÿ˜‚๏ปฟ ๐Ÿ˜œ
Why do you take baths in milk?
I can't find a cow tall enough for a shower... ๐Ÿ˜‚๏ปฟ ๐Ÿ˜œ
Am I the first man you have ever loved? he said.
Of course, she answered - Why do men always ask the same question?... ๐Ÿ˜‚๏ปฟ ๐Ÿ˜œ
Daniel - I havโ€™nt slept all night in the train.
Jake - Y?
Daniel - Got upper berth.
Jake - Y didโ€™nt u exchanged?
Daniel - there was nobody 2 exchange in the lower berth... ๐Ÿ˜‚๏ปฟ ๐Ÿ˜œ
Bank Teller - How do you like the money?
English Student - I like it very much... ๐Ÿ˜‚๏ปฟ ๐Ÿ˜œ
Daniel - Did you hear that a baby was fed on elephant's milk and gained twenty pounds in a week.
David - That's impossible. Whose baby?
Daniel - An elephant's.... ๐Ÿ˜‚๏ปฟ ๐Ÿ˜œ
John looks at an ice cube for 1 hour some one asks him what he was doing
John replied - i am checking from where its leaking!... ๐Ÿ˜‚๏ปฟ ๐Ÿ˜œ
Daniel - Excuse me, but I saw your thumb in my soup when you were carrying it.
Waitress - Oh, that's okay. The soup isn't hot... ๐Ÿ˜‚๏ปฟ ๐Ÿ˜œ
What are the three quickest ways of spreading a gossip (or rumour).
Tell a woman... ๐Ÿ˜‚๏ปฟ ๐Ÿ˜œ
A Daniel on an interview for the post of detective was asked a question
Interviewer - Who killed Osama Bin laden?
Daniel - Thanks for giving me the job, I will investigate... ๐Ÿ˜‚๏ปฟ ๐Ÿ˜œ
The man in the barber chair signalled with his finger.
Have you got another razor? he whispered.
Of course, sir, said the barber. But may I ask you why?
I'd like to defend myself, said the customer... ๐Ÿ˜‚๏ปฟ ๐Ÿ˜œ
On a crowded bus, one man noticed that another man had his eyes closed.
What's the matter?
Are you sick? he asked
No, I'm okay. It's just that I hate to see old ladies standing... ๐Ÿ˜‚๏ปฟ ๐Ÿ˜œ
David - Do you people sell them megas?
Salesperson - Uh, sure, how much do you need, sir?
David - 100!
Salesperson - I can only give you 64.
David - Well, can't you throw in 26 more?... ๐Ÿ˜‚๏ปฟ ๐Ÿ˜œ

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